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Dorothy was in her late 80s and had been losing her balance a lot. Her son thought it was time for her to move into a nursing home. Her daughter wanted her to go into an assisted-living facility. Dorothy just wanted to stay in her own home. The three of them argued for months about this. In the meantime, Dorothy fell twice. She escaped serious injury, but the falls just made them all argue more.
Then a friend told Dorothy about eldercare mediators. Dorothy immediately made an appointment with a local mediator. After a few meetings, the mediator helped Dorothy and her children agree to hire a handyman to make Dorothy's house safe from fall hazards. They also made plans to hire a nurse to check in on Dorothy twice a day. The family will meet again in 3 months to see if they need to change Dorothy's care plan.
Eldercare mediation is the process of working with someone to help families deal with the legal, health, and emotional issues that come with aging. It's based on the idea that, with a little help, family members can find the best solutions to family problems.
Families often choose mediators to help them figure out things like:
Mediation can get emotional. But it's important to remember that the goal of the mediation process is to make decisions, not to explore family members' feelings and emotions.
Sometimes people think that the only way to settle difficult family problems is to go to court. Mediation is a good alternative to hiring attorneys. It's usually much less expensive and much faster than taking the legal route. Left to themselves and with a good mediator to help them along, family members can often find good solutions to family problems. And since they come up with the solutions themselves, the members of the family are more likely to make sure that the solutions work.
Mediation is a good choice when elder family members aren't mentally competent enough to make decisions all on their own. A mediator can make sure that these older adults have a say in what happens to them. This can be reassuring to elders who may feel like the choices being made about them are out of their control.
Sometimes a judge will order a family to use a mediator. But things usually go better when someone in the family makes the suggestion. Elderly parents can also add a rule to their will or living trust. The rule would require that the family use mediation to help solve family problems.
Whether you use a trained eldercare mediator or someone else, the important thing is to find someone outside of your family who can:
As part of the elder mediation process, the family works together to:
January 20, 2012
Anne C. Poinier, MD - Internal Medicine & Catherine D. Serio, PhD - Behavioral Health & Christine Fordyce, MD - Family Medicine, Geriatric Medicine
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